0055

I haven't been posting as many word vomits here as I usually do. Certainly not nearly as many as I would like to. Remember, I had something of a plan for how much I should write. It was very loose, but it still had a target of more than 1 word vomit per week, and I have been definitely lagging behind that standard. But why?

Well as trite as it may sound, I have been incredibly busy. I know this may not seem like very useful information because I describe myself as "very busy" quite often. This is far from the first time, and hardly even the first this year. However, I never cease to surprise myself by how busy I can possibly be. I remember when I thought I peaked in how much I could do at once, almost 2 years ago in May of 2022. And I remember all the other times after that when I thought surely I'm at my limit.

In contrast to all the others, I feel like this is one of the first times in my life where I literally haven't had enough free time to work on this project without putting aside something else. Pretty much everytime before, I had time but I was too lazy or uninspired to write. Now, to my surprise, I literally have been going out and doing things every single day. I've even paused some video games and movies and tv shows to get more time (though of course not books, which I enjoy too much), which isn't something I typically find myself doing.

Does this period of busyness have any major differences than all of the others? Well, for one work is gradually becoming a larger proportion of what I spend my time on. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. There are times when it's busier and times where it feels like I hardly work at all. It just so happens that this spell of work is coinciding with all the other things I'm doing.

I always have some amount of classes and activities and plans happening in the background, but typically there's a fairly consistent amount of those. It's winter time, so I've been trying to do all of the indoor activities that get pushed to the side during nice weather. It's ironic that sometimes it feels like I spend more time outside during the winter than the summer because that's when I'm running around trying to get to everything.

Really, it seems like the main differentiating factor right now is how many unplanned, barely scheduled events I keep going to. Some of them, a surprising amount of them actually, are social. I have a lot of acquantainces, and what happens is that over time I become aware of more and more activities they are involved in. And of course, since I want to try everything, I find it hard to stop myself from wanting to try anything new I hear about. And once I try it once, there's a high chance I'll be invited again.

That extends to non-social activities too. Now that I'm more established, I keep a close eye on all the mailing lists and postings for interesting things that I'd like to try. Slowly the number of things I'm involved in has increased to the point where now, it's hard to dedicate enough time for each one. Knowing that I'll have to keep huge swathes of free time available for camping, hiking, and paragliding this year certainly doesn't help.

Laying it all out like this, it's amazing to see how many things I've gotten myself involved in. Just a month ago, when I was back from vacation and sick, I couldn't believe how long and empty my days were. I always feel like this rate of doing things can't be sustainable; I'm sure if you told me about it when I was sick a month ago I never would have believed you. And now I'm here, finding it hard to believe the next few weeks will be just as exciting.

Then again, I tend to be wrong about these kinds of things. I somehow always manage to find new projects to embark on as soon as the old ones end. Plus I'm going to another national park next week, and that's as strong of a start as any.

Then of course there's the matter of my writing. It's quite unfortunate that it's been hard to find as much time for it, because going around the city and doing new things has been excellent for inspiration and new ideas. In fact there's almost no better way to come up with things to write than to have long train and bus rides full of time for contemplation.

It's ironic because I've also had times where it feels like I have all the time in the world but nothing to say. Those times where life feels like it slows down and I wish I had more to fill the day with, and more to write about, but I end up drawing blanks. It's a shame that being in a state where I'm full of inspiration also means that I hardly have time to take advantage of all that inspiration.

I don't really mind though. One big motivation to start doing these word vomits is that I'd have somewhere to keep all my thoughts; when I wished I had more thoughts, writing is a way to get ideas to flow. Now that I have so much going on, I'm also blessed with a great abundance of things to think about. It would certainly be fun if I had the time to jot these down, and for the long run I probably should I try and write as much as I can, but the writing is not the goal. The thinking is.